Sobriquet: A Memoir

Azzahra Putri Habiba
180410170057

“Okay, then. I think that’s all of it. Do you need anything before we go?”

After I heard my mother’s question, I shook my head. All of my stuffs already unpacked and neatly placed, new sheets and new blanket already placed in the upper-bunk, and a container full of my snacks and cartons of milk quietly hidden under the bunk inside my assigned room. Mom nodded her head as a response.

Her hands slowly wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me into her embrace. Even without seeing her face, I knew she cried with the way my shoulder slowly gotten wet. Afterall, I won’t see my family anymore for another month. This is also her first time to let her children go out from the ‘cage’. “Don’t forget to give a call, okay?” I gave her a nod, afraid if I let out any voice, I’d cry in the end.

After a moment passed, she let go of me after she gave me a peck on my forehead. She goes into the car, and waves at me after she lower down the glass. I waved back, only stopped when I didn’t see the car anymore before I went into the building.

My body froze when I realized I wasn’t going to be alone. Inside the room, another girl was placing her sheets just below my bunk. Nervous, I didn’t know whether I should go in and introduce myself or leave her to tidy up her stuffs. It seemed going to be the former, when the girl glanced up from her bunk and spot me beside the door. Her eyes lighten up, a smile widely curved upon her lips. “Oh! Are you my roommate?” she asked.

As I tried to put a smile on my own, I went into my room, closing the door behind me as I tried to introduce myself to her.

It’s just the three of us (the room should’ve been occupied by four occupants) and we’re getting along well for the start. Our small talks were still animated, but not loud enough to disturb other rooms. Eventually it’s just Rasqia and I who are still awake that night after she told me from below that Andini already asleep.

“So this is it, huh. Can’t believe I go here for school.” She said. I can hear her huffing in the darken room. Unlike me, she doesn’t want to go to dormitory school.

“…Me either, actually. Never been into stay-over, and here I am, sharing a room with two other people.”

I could hear some shuffling from below. Curious, I moved my body so that I could look down for a bit. Rasqia raised her head to meet my stare. Even if the darkness in the room obscured my eyesight, I could feel her smirk and her mischievous tone.

“Soooooo … it’s our ‘first night’, then?” I grabbed my stuffed doll and throws it into her head. It hits.

Our group of three soon evolve into group of eight. I think it is a common thing, I saw other ‘group’ and even though I’m getting along with them, it’s not as comfortable as I hang out with my ‘group’. We have different background stories, we have a lot in common, and the most important of all, we’re having fun.

Not everyday is all sunshine, though. There were times when some of us had a thing against each other and giving a cold shoulder. Rasqia and I fought a lot too, and sometimes escalated to hurtful insults.

If those things happened, my friend Putri, would made us to gather in one of our rooms to sit and talk it out. More often than not, it went rough. It can result into another argument, tears, and shame. But as rough as it is, eventually, everything can be solved and slowly, we made up.

It’s pretty often to have the ‘talk’, even people outside of circle wonders about it. One time, I was at the same place when I heard Cia, someone who was outside of our circle, asked Putri about it. “Why do you always insist on making a talk every time they argue?”

Putri simply answered, “I just believe that there’s nothing that can’t be solved with talking to each other.”

Since in elementary, I could count how many I got sick with one hand. My friends sometimes wondered, and I simply shrugged about it. So when I entered high school, I never bothered to buy a lot of simple medicines. At least with that I could help my friend who was sick.

Perhaps I overestimated my physique. I never thought my body would got affected by new circumstances. Moreover, the mid term exam was coming, and the stress of it finally triggered my body to fall. As a result, here I am, stuck in the lower bunk bed under my blanket with a high fever and an urge to vomit almost all the time. Alone, because it’s time to go to mosque and dinner.

I was asleep when someone nudge me to wake up. When I opened my eyes, I am surprised to see that it was Qalbi who woke me up. I was close to her, but I never thought she went and visit me. I tried to sit as she placed her hand on my forehead, she frowned.

“Have you taken any meds?” She asked, I shook my head. Qalbi sighed, before she gives me something that I just realised she brought along with her; a bowl of chicken soup. There’s a drumstick inside and also small patch of chilli sauce.

“Eat that while I head to my room to find some meds, okay? It feels better than an empty stomach.” She said, and left before I begin to utter a protest. The bowl in my hands feels lukewarm, but it didn’t stop me to eat it—although my tongue feels so sour because the last vomit I did before. I didn’t know if it’s because I’m hungry or I didn’t want to face Qalbi’s wrath, but the bowl has been emptied by the time Qalbi went into my room again with a medicine and my water bottle.

After I can feel the medicine downed with my water through my throat, I let out a sigh before I take a glance towards the damsel. “…Thanks. I was surprised you came. I did tell our dorm mother to not bring food, and, well..”

Feeling Qalbi’s questioning gaze, I somewhat feel embarrassed. “Well, we’re not close enough so … yeah.”

Qalbi didn’t say anything as she retrieved the bowl and my water bottle and got up to put it on my table. I was about to fall asleep again when she opened her mouth.

“Well, you don’t need a reason to care for someone, right?” I blinked at her words. She turned her back, and gave me her small smile. “Besides, we can’t let our Ace of Math to get sick.”

It felt so long since someone aside from my family cared for me. It’s been so long I was caught off guard. But it’s not something uncomfortable. I smiled towards her, giving a nod.

“Right.”

Truthfully, there are so many memories from that building that always brought me laugh and tears. But actually, the most memorable for me was, the moment I introduced myself to others; Precisely when I give them my sobriquet—my name.

I actually hate my old nickname. It reminded me so much of pain; the pain being pushed too hard to do the best, the pain to being mocked physically and academically, the pain being ignored, and last but not all, the pain being left behind.

That’s why, being in a new school where no one knows where I came from excites me. It was like being given a new chance. A chance of rebirth. So when someone came up to me for the first time and asked, “What’s your name?”

I gave them a new name. As the beginning of a new story.

Photos taken from icm.sch.id

[Memoir] Differently Different of Mind

Lasekar Ghaisani Nadhila

I always think that every single person in the world has a different of mind. We cannot always compare our perception to each other because of that (has the different of mind), actually, honestly, or perhaps (?). Well, it might be “perhaps” because it is none from the scrutiny or something scientific research-detailed examination; it is only based on my observational research. Yes, it is (probably no because I do not search an article about different mind in a person/human, yet).

Why can this thing appear in my mind, while truthfully, this kind of insight—perception appeared to other selves, too?

This thought usually comes when I have my me time (5 minutes or less are included, though) after doing something riot because of myself and other things such as (another) human, human, and human. It close-knitted with perception which, according to Oxford Dictionary, means “the way you notice things, especially with the senses” agreed by myself along to “the senses” that has a lots of meaning, too, then makes the statement of “every single person in the world has different mind” comes up. Then have interactions with that another human are actually a funny things-time-moment to spend, but, those can be disappeared when you find that your way of thinking with them are different. That is “the senses”.

The meaning of the different mind itself explained, still, not so scientific just because it is an experiment and experimental to life for. One thing that I like about this different mind is I can explore the ability. In a hectic way, when I got the different mind to another human-friend, I would rather keep it inside my heart that I did not like it and want to rebel to them. That is why I cry a lot when I did not know what to say because of had a conflict to a person. Different mind can impede the introvert people who can commonly stay, is that true? No, that has no connection. Introvert is neither a problem nor the different mind, although different mind is not a problem.

Professor of developmental psychopathology at the University of Cambridge, Simon Baron-Cohen said: the infant’s understanding of attention in others, a social skill found by 7 to 9 months of age, as a “critical precursor” to the development of theory of mind. Understanding attention involves understanding that seeing can be directed selectively as attention, that the looker assesses the seen object as “of interest”, and that seeing can induce beliefs. Attention can be directed and shared by the act of pointing, a joint attention behavior that requires taking into account another person’s mental state, particularly whether the person notices an object or finds it of interest. Baron-Cohen speculates that the inclination to spontaneously reference an object in the world as of interest (“protodeclarative pointing”) and to likewise appreciate the directed attention and interests of another may be the underlying motive behind all human communication.

What a scientific research! I try to understand it, but honestly, I don’t get it much to what Baron-Cohen said. All I can conclude is to know how to interaction to other people who has different way of mind or thinking, we have to have understanding attention through the communication.

Another great people, an essayist, Anais Nin said:

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are”

We look at situations, events, and interpret what other people say and do, according to our own set of past experiences, culture, faith, values, all of which help us from our beliefs about us, about others, and about the world in general. The meaning we give events, the way we make sense of our world, is based upon our set of core beliefs.

We look at situations, events, and interpret what other people say and do, according to our own set of past experiences, culture, faith, values, all of which help us from our beliefs about us, about others, and about the world in general. The meaning we give events, the way we make sense of our world, is based upon our set of core beliefs. Despite to compare ourselves to another person that actually has different of mind and think, give attention to that another person is the best way to do. Do not ever try to be a winner in one of conversation with that another person, you better to be a quite person. Lastly, turn the advantage to understand each other which has different mind in several ways when talk to other is we learn to be a patient person. Learn and exercise.

References:
1. Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary
2. Theory of mind on wikipedia.org
3. Anain Nin’s thought in getselfhel.co.uk
4. Perception and Innovation by Dr. C. George Boeree from Sippensburg University

Word count: 705 words

[Memoir] Unpleasant Day

Elvina Dwi Hinelia

Anything is possible to happen in life, either it is a good or bad one. Just like what happened to me a week ago. I have no idea about what will happen to me next. It was on May 13th 2016, I woke up at 10.00 because there was no class. I just laid down on my bed not knowing what would I do on that day, I only had a French course at 16.00. Not so long after it, my friend, Mytha texted me on Line.

“El are you in Jatinangor?” she asked me.

“Yep Myt, why?” I replied

“Have you eaten yet? If you have not, let’s have lunch in Ayam Bakar Mas Mono.” she asked me again. Of course I accept her bid happily since I was hungry and had not eaten anything after I woke up.

“Okay, I’ll take a shower first.” I ended the conversation.

After I took a shower and got dressed, Mytha came to my place first. We walked to Ayam Bakar Mas Mono because the distance between the restaurant and my place is not so far. Unfortunately, when we arrived there the restaurant had not opened yet due to Moslem Friday Prayer hours. So we had to wait for about 25 minutes, I still have not realized yet that it was one of my bad lucks that day.

Mytha and I decided to order 2 portions of grilled chicken and 2 glasses of sweet ice tea, it took 15 minutes to wait until our food came. After the waiter brought our food, I drank my ice tea first but it tasted so plain and weird. Then I called and told the waiter that he brought me the wrong tea; he said sorry to me and change it immediately. I tried it up again and it still tasted the same, I was confused and felt annoyed at the same time. I asked Mytha to try it too making sure that there was nothing wrong with my tongue, and I was right; my ice tea was still plain even Mytha said that it tasted like herbs tea. I gave up and chose not to ask the waiter to change my tea again and started to eat my chicken. After several minutes we ate, out of the blue the electricity went out. I felt annoyed again, the restaurant became dark due to the weather outside which was raining. Being fed up with the situation, I played a game on my phone and had a chat with Mytha. I also finished my lunch as fast as I could. After we were done with our lunch and paid it, we walked back to our place.

Suddenly, as I was walking down the road with Mytha, I felt somebody’s hand at the back of my head. Still thinking positively, I thought it was a friend who’s just greeting to say hi. I could never have been more wrong. The grip felt tighter and tighter to the point that it hurts my scalp, then before I realize it, I was pulled to the ground. I could not see who it was but I could hear a woman’s voice, she sounded like grumbling. At that time, I felt so scared until I couldn’t do anything. Finally, she let her hands up from my head. Looking up, I see that woman but only from her back because she walked away already like nothing has happened, but something did happen, and I’ve got the scars on my elbow to prove it. Mytha looked so confused and didn’t have any idea of what happened, but then she helped me to get up. Immediately Mytha and I went back to my place. The wound was worse than I thought. My friend stormed out of the room to get the medicines necessary to clean the wound; she’s back no longer than five minutes with alcohol and betadine in her hands. I refused when Mytha was trying to clean my wound with alcohol, I knew that it would hurt so much. After my wound is finished being cleaned and treated, my head was starting to feel pain too. I guessed my head was brushed. Sometimes I still asking myself why she did it to me, I wonder if I have done something wrong. Because until now, I can’t understand the motive behind her action.

Reference(s):

No references needed. The story is based on my own experience.

Word count: 728 words

[Memoir] My Young Age Was The Reflection of My Future

Sifa Deana Dara

This was happened when I stayed in sixth grade. It is so funny to share you about my experienced when I was a little girl. I was fond of played with my two loyal friends that used to accompany me, or it could be called that we used to stick around together wherever we went. Their names were Ai and Desi. We used to go to school together. But one day we were had some trouble that made us of three separated – it was actually not we all have had the trouble, but such a system, when one of united things broke, it would broke the whole parts.

Afterwards, we often just met –we were in the same class- and had no longer conversation and sometimes we used to come home together because our house has almost in the same address, no more. At first, I felt my life was so boring. There was not a friend that had the same passion with me until I met and acquainted with a new friend in my class when I was fifth grade, she was move from another city, but I was forget what city it was. At first I knew her as usual, and did not think that she would be as crazy as me and my old best friends were used to. I was recognise her so well.

Her name was Nur Fadillah. We had always shared many things. Foods, times, secrets, helps and all things we could share. We were so close and she has had always by my side. She was my new best friend, afterwards. We used to stick together. There was a moment that I could not forget until now. It was happened in our break time of schooling. It was a Friday in the afternoon. We were seat infront of principal’s room, several miles next to our class. I even still remember that I wore a pink long shirt – like nowadays, in several elementary schools, each moeslims student has to wear long shirt- and Nur wore the white one. We were watch students that were playing Loncat Tinggi or jump high – a game uses rubbers string that tied each other and there one person that hold at both tip side.

They were two years younger students. We watched and were laughing a fat girl student that was being played the game. Her body was quivering when her foot was step-up on the land after some seconds flew in the air. I knew it was such a fool thing we did. While I was laughing at the girl, there was a girl student – she was my classmate, names Putri, she was a popular girl with her beauty and altogether she wa strengthen with his gang. –Ijo Lumut gang (Ikatan Jomblo Imut, euwwh) came up from the gate entrance of our school and in the same time, I was pointed out my finger while laughed to the fat girl that had in the same angle with Putri but different in distance, Putri was more far then the other one. So, you know as a popular girl she didn’t want to accept such this despicable treated from such girl like me that actually it was just misconception. Her eyes were bulged out and she kept looking at me sadistic. Nur, that seat next to me, tried to calm me down.

I tried to don’t care about this, and hoped that everything would be fine as well – I was only tried, but actually I knew what would happened next, to me. So, when breaking time had over, Nur and I back to the class. I felt there was something different. Every member – sevent members- of Ijo Lumut gang were looking at me sharply, and it gave me signal to know what kind of situation that I would face then. The time has had come, the time for us to come home arrived. We, Ai, Desi and me were walking the street, the Ijo Lumut members there were walking behind us, not as usual, they used to going home separately, because their house far from each other. Then Desi know that I would have a trouble with them and chose to persuade Ai to take a distance with me because she was afraid she would be taken in this matter but fortunately Ai – the brave girl refused,and said that she didn’t need to do that, it was none of her business she tought, and then she calm Desi down.

I was grateful and thought that I would have a partner in the soon-battle would be. At first, I felt nervous what would I did to face them, they kept followed us – me, actually. After several seconds later, I couldn’t find whether Ai or Desi beside me, because they were have gone while I was thinking at few seconds before. I was felt that it was a betrayal of my old best friends. Then the judgement had come, they were interrogate me with such questions that made me a little nervous, the first one who begin the conversation was Puji – the leader of the gang- she asked me why did I laughed at Putri, and Putri said that she didn’t accept such embarrassing thing. Then I explained what was actually happened, but they kept didn’t accept my reason. Then we all were started made a quarrel in the street. I was so pitty, that I have had to fight – word-fight fortunately, not physicly with the seven members of Ijo Lumut that consisted of the one big-size girl, short-size one, three slight-size girls and two ideal-size remaining. I kept interrogated by them till I was brave to said such rough languages to them, and threated them that I would reported them to our teacher for this matter. We kept quarreled along the street, and I was lonely without any partner that might be defended me. But fortunately I can still faced them in this useless and fool debated. At home, I cried and told my mother abouth this case, and she said that I have to be strong to facec all the bad things in my life whatsoever, because in this life we wouldn’t just enjoyed the happy things only, life was not that nice as a thought.

From that moment, it makes me realize that I have to be ready to deal with this life of whatsoever comes to me. Either good or bad. I have to think and feel those things – happy or sad- whenever and wherever I am. The experience taught and told me that what I was going through was the step and representation of what kind I am and my character is.

No reference.

[Memoir] Childhood, Friendship.

Fitrianty Nur Toharja

HATED

Eight years ago, I found myself chaotic; convoluted, confused, panic, nervous, fearful, anxious, worried, trembling and lonely.

Eight years ago was the day I was waiting for. Being a new student in a new school, my first junior high school in a new town. Previously, when I was in elementary school, I used to move to one city to another, enrolled a different school about once a years. I didn’t know why but living not with my own parents feels pathetic. I didn’t know how being in kindergarten feels like, my first day of school was elementary school. Five years old of me created the first day of school not with my mom, she was my aunty. I feel tragic not having childhood memory with my own parents but then, eight years ago, I did it.

Eight years ago was the day of my happiness, my little family were together, in our own house. I can’t describe how I felt then, I just couldn’t stop smiling, I could finally see their face, every day, every night, every time. I could finally hear their sounds not only through the phone again. I could finally feeling like in a real home. I could finally say a word mom, and dad, like other children did.

Eight years ago was the day of my junior high school time, my father gave me a new mobile phone to me because I got the 3rd place last year in my elementary school, even though the phone wasn’t costs too much, I was glade that my father gave me that because what I have done. Therefore, I tried my best to do everything, my parents were my aim in my life, and I do everything for them.

Eight years ago I made a friend with a female student in my class, she named Leni. She is Sudanese and a quiet person. Unlike me, she was like sitting in her chair, writing what the teacher have written in a white board, read a language books, and certainly being quiet. The reason why I like her because she always listened every single story what I told, she responded them well, answered all the questions that I asked. I like her, I like her more than I like my favorite color.

Eight years ago I became closer with Leni. She started tell me about herself a bit more instead of I keep started our conversation. She told me about her family, father, mother, her little sister and her close friends. Day by day she always told me too about her closest friend I thought, because every time she told me about her friendship life, she used to talk about one friend, she was a girl, she is Ida. The girl in the same neighborhood, the girl in the same elementary school with her, the girl in the same Taekwondo course with her, the girl that I wanted to be friend with too.

Eight years ago Leni introduced Ida to me, it was my very first time when I came to Leni’s house after school done. The time I was in Leni’s room, her closest friend, Ida was came up to Leni’s house to informed Leni something about Taekwondo course. For the first time, I was introduced to Ida by Leni. She is pretty, having a long black hair just like Leni and like her bright brown eyes. Because it was a very first day of our meet, we didn’t talk much about each other, Furthermore, she was leaving Leni’s house earlier, she didn’t take a sip of the water tough, and I thought she was in a hurry.

Eight years ago I became closer too with Ida, Leni gave me her number, we used to texting to each other. Whenever Ida and Leni had a fight and didn’t talk to each other, I helped them to make it up, talked to Leni and Texting Ida. We lived separately, I was the one who lived far away from them so I could only contact Ida in texting and seeing Leni in the school. Actually I wanted to see Ida more often and played with her but distance was a bariier between us. Yet, the idea came to our friendship, I forgot who suggested first, but we started to send a letter to each other, Ida and Me. I thought it would be fun enough instead of texting, I didn’t know how I agreed the idea and started writing the letter.

Eight years ago Leni was the person who sent us -Ida and me- a letter. The letter told us about everything and anything, we told each other about foods, movies, songs, cartoons, feelings, homework, school, even if about the worst and the best teacher or the students in our schools. It was fun, I used to write her a letter every night before tomorrow school I sent it through Leni.

Eight years ago Leni brought me a letter from Ida, it was about her school. I was curious, because we enrolled the different school, the day before I sent her a letter and asked her to write about her school. The letter told me that her school didn’t big enough just like mine, placed in a village, her school was more narrow than other school, the building was old and had some cracks in every corner of the structure. I felt bad and sorry for her, I wrote her and asked her to tell her school before. I replied her –letter with – full of joke- letter. I wrote her a –funny- letter, I was make the schools as a joke, and I fooled around about my school and her’s. I told her why my school could bigger than her, why her school was small just like a room, and how can the building cracked around just like old house in the movie. I was joking around in the letter, I wanted her don’t feel bad and sad, I wanted her to smile if she read my letter.

Eight years ago I came to the school. I walked to the class with my brightest smile, knowing that how happy Ida would be because of what I have written to her. Leni sat in her chair reading some materials for that day’s subject, she was quite like always. I came to her and asked a letter from Ida, but she just told me that Ida didn’t sent me a letter. It was a little bit sad but, it didn’t matter, my letter just sent to her yesterday though. The morning class was like usual, religion class started the subjects of that day. The teacher was teach the class about some prophets hadists, we should wrote them in our paper and memorized it. The class was a bit noisy, some students learn the hadists by said aloud them repeatedly, furthermore some students were memorized them by a help from a gesture movement, their hands were raise up, their fingers were pointed out, or even some of them squeezed their own hand forced every single hadist in their brain. In the noisy air, a teacher came to the class, he was student ministry teacher in our school. He was also a sport teacher, muscles all around his body, his face expression were make us sit still.

Eight years ago I thought my death would come in that day. Eight years ago I felt I would never back to my house from the school. Eight years ago I was fool. Eight years ago I wanted to kill myself in the first year of junior high school. Eight years ago I wanted to cry all night long knowing how stupid I was. Eight years ago I first time was called by the most frightful teacher in the school. Eight years ago I did my biggest mistake.

Eight years ago I am having my biggest problem. I was told by the teacher that my letter was in counselor room’s Ida’s school. The first information, one sentence from a bad news. I thought about it and realized that the letter was from me for Ida and the worst was my letter told about our schools. My teacher said I had to go to Ida’s school to apologize. My teacher said it was my fault. My teacher said he was not able to believe in me anymore. My teacher said how can I be a rush student. My teacher said I must to go to her school immediately. My teacher said I should go to her school to explain about the letter. My teacher said it was my fault, I should go there, explained it and clear the problem alone.

Eight years ago I was confused. Eight years ago I didn’t know how to fix it. Eight years ago I almost gave up. Eight years ago I didn’t want have anyone to talk to. Eight years ago I was afraid. Eight years ago I trembled. Eight years ago I cried alone. Eight years ago I couldn’t feel hunger. Eight years ago I didn’t know how to do anything. Eight years ago I felt anxious all the time. Eight years ago I couldn’t stop pondering. Eight years ago I hide everything. Eight years ago I didn’t tell my parents anything. Eight years ago I lied to my parents. Eight years ago I had to decide something big in my life.

Eight years ago I feel ashamed from other friends. They talked bad about me, they talked it around me, and they talked about everything that I have done. They have known it, the news was rapidly spread from one student to another, ear to ear, and mouth to mouth.

Eight years ago I was confused, angry, and afraid of everything. I am a thoughtful person. How came my letter was being a mistake, it was just a joke, how would my letter changed my school live, it was just a paper, how could my letter being a serious problem with school didn’t Ida told her teacher? That day, the day Ida received my letter she read it and place my letter in her bag, she wanted to reply it during her school tomorrow. Unfortunately, the next day was the investigation day in her school. Her school found out the other male students were smoking cigarettes in the cafeteria, so they went to investigation to all of students if they brought any cigarettes in the school. Not like expected, my letter in Ida’s bag was being saved by them.

Eight years ago I came to the school which I had problem with. My fear accompanied me then. It was a shiny day on Friday, but I didn’t feel it, I felt like I walked along a storm day. I purposely absent for my class and came to Ida’s school. I came there by Ojek. I came to her school, it looked like what Ida said in the letter. I came in and find out where the counselor’s room. Before I found by myself, I met the female teacher in yoga dressed, her name tag named Ani. She asked me, where would I come to, I asked about counselor room and she walked show me a way. In front of the room she asked me what my name is, and I replied with my full name. I hoped it wasn’t her, I hoped I couldn’t meet a counselor teacher to apologize. I just hoped and prayed. Fortunately, it was her. She was the teacher that have read my letter, the letter which ‘discrediting’ her school, she was in front of the writer of the letter.

Eight years ago I first time came to the counselor’s room of other school, I felt like I am a bad student. Sitting in the chair of other school’s counselor room made me feel like I am the one who did a bad thing such as fighting other students until they died or being in a brawl in the uniform with rocks and knife in my hand. I didn’t know if my parent have known this problem, I couldn’t imagine how ashamed them having me as their daughter. I ashamed for real.

Eight years ago I first time signed a letter. The different letter that I usually wrote or received from Ida. Signed an admission letter. The admission letter that I would never be in the bad case again, never criticized other school again, and being a better student in the next next day. Eight years ago I first time being advised by other teacher because of a bad attitude of me. Facing the other teacher from the other school.

Eight years ago I couldn’t thinking about them, Leni or Ida. I hated them. After the day I have come to her school I found myself was the one who have fault in that problem. I was the one who sent Ida a discrediting her school letter. I was the one who had to give apologize to them, the teacher, and the school. I couldn’t find Ida’s letter about her feelings and about her school, I couldn’t find it for being my evidence. My mom have thrown away it. She told me that it didn’t matter if I keep for a long time. I was dazed, puzzled, panicked.

Eight years ago Ida didn’t sent me a letter or even a text. Leni didn’t much closer to me like before. There was a brief between us. Other friends were keep saying a bad things to each other about me. I felt like I was in a wrong side for them. I felt like I was abandoned by them. I was sick.

Since then I hated them. Since then I hated my friends. Since then I hated my teachers. Since then I hated school. Since then I hated Friendship and I hated writing.

References:

https://www.creativenonfiction.org/online-reading/age-formative

https://www.creativenonfiction.org/online-reading/same-story

Words count: 2313