Christania Pingkan Putrinita – 180410160027
How came my prayer was answered so beautifully? As if my whole family walked me through the front gate of the church to bring me to him, like how fathers walk their daughters down the aisle.
“Brenda!” he shouted.
I had to wait for 18 years ‘till I could hear someone loudly called my name. Moreover, I had to let someone who meant so much for me to go forever and ever first, ‘till heaven gave me a consolation through his coming. Just like his name, Giovanni, ‘God is gracious.’
Who knew I was old enough to pray with a real figure asking for a heart-shaped pool for our future home like what I did as a five-year-old? Or I did not have to secretly hold someone’s hand anymore like I did in middle school to my best friend’s boyfriend without her knowing at all. I was so thankful that this time we both prayed to the same God. But who also knew that the sun in my life had to be changed to someone’s moon for seven months? Devil never wanted me to be happy. When I thought I was the only one, but then Gio said no. He blamed the 74.51 miles for not being able to bring us together. I blamed myself for going that far from him. Even when the clock rang its bell to let me know that I could finally be with Gio, monsters would stay forever and did not allow us to reach the finish line.
We were still together for that seven months, but I did not pray anymore, I did not know if he did. I had nothing but my stockpiles that I brought from the past. The heart-shaped pool that taught me to cry even more because I had a huge container to collect my tears. I became more professional at saying ‘I’m okay’ while I was not at all. The only thing that existed to me was myself who could not stand anymore living in what life brought her. And I tried to end what I was walking through by the scissor on my right hand, I was alone and could not feel my eyes anymore.
“God is gracious. Morning by morning new mercies I see.”
That voice was said through my mind softly but then it got louder and louder. It reminded me about forgiveness and love that was first given by God and had been received. And it was the meaning of Gio’s name. I understood that it might not represent what was behind his name to what he had done to me, but from that name I was awakened to pray no matter what happened.
I kneeled down with all the shame on my face, threw the scissor away and I decided to call Gio, but his name showed up first on the screen. I let him know what I had felt during those dark times, and he admitted that he did the same to himself as what I did to mine.
“I’m sorry I let us both trapped in the dark for too long, and acted like nothing happened. I kept this all to myself. Then here I am asking you, would you please pray together with me? Forgive me?”
Word Count: 545