Boring, that’s the word that describe my life. Now I’m a college student and I still live my boring life like I used to. I went to college with train in the morning and came home in the afternoon. My university is kinda far, so I use train to reach it, and it takes around two hours from my home to my university.
Sometimes I feel like I was kind of tired with my life, not that I want to commit suicide but perhaps I just feel that I didn’t really care about my life anymore. I didn’t know what I want to become in the future. I never particularly have dream or something like that. I just let nature run its course and I thought that I will be always like this. So I probably wouldn’t mind if I got into an accident or died.
As usual, I took the train to go home and because I’m kind of quiet person I like to see and observe rather than speak, beside I didn’t have many friend to begin with. I always thought that my life will always be boring like this, but it changes when I met her. She was a girl who is around my age, she seems from different university. She was a skinny girl that had average height with black long hair and brown eyes. It’s the first time I saw her took this train. Next day I saw her took this train, she was with her friends, she always chat with them and often laugh. I kind of envied her because she always smile and seems happy, I didn’t know but when I saw her smile it made my heart warm.
One day, there were only few people in the train including me and her. This day she was also seemed beautiful, but she looked different that day. She looked sad and lonely. I didn’t knew why she was sad, I really wanted to approached her and comfort her but I felt too embarrassed. I was too afraid that if I suddenly approached her then she would hate me, because I believe I was a stranger to her. Suddenly our eyes met and she was smiled at me. Her smile was really beautiful. I was too focused to saw her smile that I wasn’t able to replied her smile. After that she left the train. Shoot, I should’ve replied her smile and talked to her. I promised to myself that tomorrow I would talk to her. Next day I didn’t saw her, I really disappointed because I can’t saw her. A week had passed and I didn’t saw her anymore. Suddenly, when I watched TV I was shocked, there was news about a girl who committed suicide. It was her, the anchor said that she was depressed because her parents were divorced recently. So it was why she looked sad lately. That day I should’ve approached and comforted her, perhaps this accident won’t happened. I felt my heart broken, I cursed the stupid old me, I should’ve talked to her.
I can’t see her smile again. I don’t even know her name. This is my lifetime regret. The regret of not being able to save my first love.
Picture Credit: Makoto Shinkai "5 Centimeters per Second"