Final Writing: The Hardest Year of my Life (Non-Fiction)

Hana Rahmawati/180410150003

January 2015

"Teh, in the neck of the mother there is a lump." Mother said while pressing a small lump around her neck.

"Where is the lump? Is it hurt? "

"On the left. It doesn’t hurt but mother is afraid, mother wants to check it to the doctor. "

"Tomorrow, mom should check it to the doctor. Don’t press the lump mom, I am scared that’s not usual lump. "

The next day, my mother went to the doctor but the doctors still can’t detect what the disease is because the lump is small size. When the doctor checked it, the lump was pressed by the doctor so hard and makes my mother felt tremendous pain. The doctor even diagnosed that the lump came from the teeth, whereas my mother never had a problem with her teeth never feel a toothache because my mother always keeps her teeth healthy. Since we were still not satisfied with the doctor’s explanation, we drove mom to go to the dentist at Cideres Hospital, and her molar teeth revoked, after being revoked somehow the dentist said that there was no problem with her teeth. It was so strange, so for what her tooth removed if there were no problems with her teeth. Then, the doctor suggested being injected with biopsy. A few days later, my mother went to Siti Maryam Hospital for a biopsy injection. When she arrived home after from the hospital, my mother instantly limp. Which made me want to cry, I saw her mouth become tilted and constantly salivate in large quantities. Mom could not talk, she just cried. Then I tried to ask her,

"Mom, what happened?" My sister and I asked her while holding her hand.

"hhh..hurt," she replied less clearly.

"Oh sorry mom sorry, you better sleep and rest."

Mother just shook her head slowly. Maybe she could not lie down because of the incessant saliva out of his mouth. My sister and I were confused not knowing what to do, we can’t bear to see her situation. We only sit beside our mother. Then I went to the next room, I saw my father was daydreaming. Maybe he can’t bear to see the mother with such circumstances, visible from the expression of his face sadness but he was try as strong as holding back tears. Honestly, my heart hurt so much I was afraid something might happen.

July 2015

At that time, it has been known what illness my mother was suffering. I still cannot believe until now that she had stage three nasopharyngeal cancer. Nasopharyngeal cancer is a type of cancer that grows in the back cavity of the nose and behind the ceiling of the oral cavity causing swelling of the lymph nodes in the neck. At that time, the mother’s appetite is really reduced may be the cause he was not able to chew food so just want to eat porridge baby that dilute just to be swallowed. No intake of food that causes her body weakened. At that time my mother was treated at Hasan Sadikin Hospital Bandung. The doctor at the hospital Hasan Sadikin Bandung once asked my father what her favorite food, and then my father replied that mothers love to eat salted fish and tape. The doctor said it’s one of the causes of nasopharyngeal cancer. Looks trivial indeed but this is quite serious to note, maybe the salted fish that often consumed by my mom containing formalin and according to doctors are also not good to eat salted fish and tape let alone consumed continuously.

August 2015

This month may be the month that I think is both the happiest and the most miserable. Because I have to leave my family. At that time I had to go to Jatinangor because it was accepted to be a student of Faculty of Art Universitas Padjadjaran. I am happy because it is my dream to study at Unpad and my mother is very happy to know that I am accepted in Unpad SNMPTN line. But I’m afraid I still can’t rely on my sister who is still in junior high school. Without me, she would have trouble taking care of my mother and my little brother who are still in elementary school. Because my father had to work from morning to evening for my mother’s medical expenses. My father who was just a donut seller overwhelmed with my mother’s expensive medical expenses. Fortunately, at that time the treatment was helped by BPJS and also the help from my father’s brother.

When I went to Jatinangor, I was picked up by my friend. I left with my two friends escorted by her parents. When they picked me up after saying good-bye to my mother, one of my friends asked me,

"Na, what happened with your mother? Her body was very thin, her face was pale not as usual. "

"My mother is sick, Lina."

"HAH? What was your mother’s illness? Said my friend and my friend’s parents.

"Cancer" I replied briefly, I was afraid to cry.

Everyone fell silent and sobbing.

"It’s okay, I ask the same prayers all hopefully my mother can be healed and given the best by God." "Aamiin" they said in unison. And then my friends hug me.

October 2015

Ever since I lived in Jatinangor, I always came home once a week to keep my mother at home even while in the hospital. I always try to focus on my lecture but my mind is always on my mother. Our plan, my mother will be taken to Darmais Cancer Hospital in Jakarta. But my mother’s circumstances are not possible to take on a long journey. While waiting for my mother’s rather strong state, my mother was taken care of at my grandmother’s house. All the medical equipment was brought to my grandmother’s house, the mother of my father. Because if in the hospital we are less free to care for the mother. After a week at my grandmother’s house, my mother’s body had shown good health. However, all of a sudden, mbah that is the mother of my mother asked us to bring my mother to mbah’s house. I already had a bad feeling at the time. But my dad thinks maybe mbah regrets all his actions to my mother in the past and wants to take care of her. Because mbah is always vicious to my mother, although she is her biological mother.

It turns out after a few days at mbah’s home, do not know why mom never want to eat, his body condition deteriorated. My mother’s family blamed my father, saying that the cause of the sick mother was my father. I do not know what else to do. Actually, I’m disgusted with them. From childhood, I always saw mbah cursing my mother without me knowing the obvious reason. My mother always cried hugging me. I do not understand what’s on her minds, my good mother is always wrong in her eyes. But the other child who always doing wrong always defended by mbah. Fortunately, as a child, my mother was cared for by her grandmother and grandfather, the parents of her biological father. Because they feel sorry for my mother being tortured by her stepfather, her mother and her four siblings do not care about it.

October, 2015

As always, I go back to Majalengka once a week. In late October, my mother was admitted to Majalengka Hospital. It seems it is not possible to go to Darmais Cancer Hospital Jakarta because of its very worrying situation. I still remember very clearly that her body was very thin and seemed only skin and bone remained, her face was shaped skull flesh around the cheek, the lump on her neck had broken so that her neck was perforated and had to wear the gauze and even then must be changed every hour because bleeding and odor, from the hole neck always out blood. My God, my feeling tells me that my mother’s age is not long but on the other hand I really hope there is a miracle if my mother can heal. I always hold back tears when I was with her all day. I’m afraid my mom is sad to see me crying. I always wait when maghrib time arrives, because after the maghrib prayer I can take turns with my father to keep the mother. After the maghrib prayer, I can complain to God all my complaints.

It was then that after the maghrib prayer I took my siblings to the hospital to meet my mother. Then they hugged her and held her hand. The three of us could no longer hold back the tears of seeing my mother who was so patient against her illness had never complained at all. I ventured to talk to my mom. "Mom, this is de Hilmi and teh Nida, they said they missed you so much." Mom opened her eyes and smiled. My mother was crying and her hand was trying to reach the three of us. Then mom said less clearly and stammered. "Teh, please take care of your siblings. Your college hopefully running smoothly. Mom is okay, mom already does not feel pain just don’t have to think about me. Teh Nida and de Hilmi do not be naughty must obey to teh Hana." The three of us cry and continue to cry. "Please don’t talk like that mom, it makes teh Nida so sad, you must be sure you will recover." Said my sister sobbed while stroking mother’s hand. Actually, my mother’s body if stroked a little pain extraordinary but he let my sister stroked his hand. My little brother who did not want to far away from mother incessantly cried until finally he was picked up by my father for fear of disturbing other patients.

When I came back to Jatinangor I always thought of my mother’s words. He said that he didn’t feel any pain anymore. All I know is that a person who is seriously ill suddenly does not feel the pain of her end is near. What if my mother really went away, I was scared. But I always try to strengthen myself, I must be sincere with the will of God. I must be ready because the risk of being the oldest child should be ready with everything that happens.

November 2015

It was 6 o’clock on the morning of November 13, I had not yet woken up from my sleep because of the night I slept late to do the work and suddenly my roommate woke me because my dad called. With still semi-consciousness I lifted him.

"Teh, come home fast!" Said my father quickly.

My eyes widened in shock.

"What’s wrong, dad?" My feeling pointed directly at my mother.

"The doctor has told me to bring mom to go home immediately, he said if it is better to be directly taken care of at home."

I take a slow breath, immediately agreed and then hurriedly shower and get ready. With tears, I said goodbye to my friend. He hugged me and said, "It’s okay do not be sad whatever happened has become God’s will. You have to be strong. " I just nodded and smiled at her.

At about 9 am I arrived home, we immediately went to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital, I went straight to where place my mother. There’s also mbah and aunt who is a sister from my mother. I held my mother’s hand, I cried to see the situation. Mother just closed her eyes may have been unconscious.

"Mom, forgive me," I say softly.

When I say like that, my mother’s sister says "Hey where have you been?."

"I have college, I go home once a week."

"Halaahhh," she said, pouting me.

Really I was very emotional at the time. My family relationship was never good with my mother’s family. Since my mother was sick, they always told me to quit college. My mother told me not to be affected by them. They never help us in spite of the slightest effort. Suddenly they come and say things like that. I do not think it’s worth it. I hold a grudge against them because they always make my mother suffered. Usually, I can be patient and cry clandestinely, but for some reason, at that time I dare to against them. The people in the hospital saw us. I immediately ran to hug my father who is administering the administration. My father already knew what made me cry, he just wiped my head. Doctors and nurses that most of my neighbors already know with their bad nature. Then the doctor calmed me down, "Do not cry neng, do not be served those like that. Later they will get the karma. " I nodded and remained crying. Then my mother was taken home by the car we were carrying. My dad, my sister and me are holding mom in the car. I will not let go of my mother’s hand.

"Mom," My mother opened her eyes but just looked at the ceiling of the car as if there was something there. Along the way, we all said "Allah..Allah..Allah" so that my mother followed us. Alhamdulillah my mother can follow her although less clear because her tongue was short. Arriving at home, my mother was laid by my father in bed. At that time my mother had time to speak but only said "Thirsty". We gave her water and her eyes always looked toward the door as if there was something there. The big family has gathered, we all say "Allah..Allah..Allah" my mother still followed us.

Suddenly my mother fell asleep, for some reason I always pay attention to her breath, The rhythm of his breath is slow and finally stop. About half past 1 pm my mother died, we still didn’t believe it. We were crying but not sobbing. We apologized in her ear. I immediately hugged my siblings. Fortunately, my younger brother who most did not want away from my mother can handle his emotions, he was crying but still calm. I pity his age is still 8 years. I hugged him and said, "De Hilmi, do not cry it will make mothers sad. There is still teh Hana, teh Nida and dad. A boy must be strong. " My brother wiped her tears of unrelenting eyes. Then I took her out of the room. We all have sincerity with the mother’s departure. I’m sure God loves my mother very much. I always pray for my good mother to be placed in His Heaven.

Our family for many years has experienced many strenuous temptations come up. But the year 2015 is a very hard year for me and my family because we lost the figure we love so much, the figure is so patient and strong.

Word count: 2.488

[tags #CreativeWriting, #Scribere2017, #FinalWriting]

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