Eva Aprilia Rahayu/180410150009
I’m a glace girl, yeah people says it to me. Every time and maybe whoever. A quiet person, and such an ignorant. Not people who said it to me but myself. I don’t really have many friends but I have close friends who listen to me when I have a problem.
Once, I felt I didn’t have any friend, maybe it was a long holiday for me and I had no boyfriend after three months, so I was bored lately. In that moment, I didn’t want to have a boyfriend because I just didn’t want. I always love to talk to someone who doesn’t know me in real, like in that time I wanted a virtual friend. Yeah, maybe it would be good to me. At least I would have them as my friends in social medias.
In a night, I installed an app that I could not really understand to use it but I search on the internet, it could make you talking anything but people won’t know who are you, where are you from, or else. People would be known if you told them so. I curious about the app and clicked it after installing moment went. Yet, the app asked me my e-mail but they let me choose my own username. I typed @iloveyou. After I registered myself, I found funny creatives writing in their status. I laughed so hard when I was sure this app is crazy and it could make you not a lonely person again, but I found any disturbing things like the nasty person who tried to get attention from the apposite sex around that circle and I report them as the app was let me do it. I decided to try making a status, I only confused what would I wrote about and the idea came over me.
“Hi! let’s be friends.” Surprisingly, many chats came into my inbox and some of them are the nasty person, some of them really wanted to be my friends. I only replied to the clear ones. But, I found a chat that replied me with “I love you too” I ignored it once because I didn’t realize something until I realized that my username which made that person chatted me like that. So, I replied it “lol”.
After all the time I had conversations, I had no attention on them, but was curious about the person who replied me about my username, not my status. It was 3 hours ago he didn’t respond my reply. While I was thinking about that person, there was a notif in my inbox and I immediately opened it up. Yeah, it was from that person. He asked me my id LINE, yet I knew him a boy because he told me he is a boy before he asked my id LINE. Then I gave him, not because I wanted to but I only curious about him and honestly I had a good feeling about him, not like my intuition for nasty guys or even the clear ones.
I opened my LINE app like nothing happened, I didn’t know why I put my hope on him. I left my phone because I was going to eat and watching a film but I thought about him still. After I did all the activities that I mentioned before, I checked my phone and there was a message from him! OMG, I was so excited because his photo profile was great, hmm I mean he is handsome with the beach as his background. I didn’t like him or fall in love with him but I only had my eyes good to see it. Yeah, maybe it was my feeling not surely. We chatted like introducing each other and I suddenly I frowned my lips when I knew he was from Sumatera which is so far away from here. Well, I didn’t expect a thing but I only felt sad in that time. I told him why he could be so far away from here, he said
“what’s the matter, Sunny ?”
After my curiosity about Zima, yeah his name. I didn’t know to say into words but I didn’t feel curious anymore when he is handsome, I got no attractive thing about him, he was flat and replied me with slow response. I got my schedules to do things and I remembered I had to go to a committee meeting on my campus. I went there and not remembered that I was hungry. Too lazy to think about what I wanted to eat. He told me to eat something but I only read it until I felt indigestion and told him what was happened to me, he got angry like a monster and phone me like my mother yelled at me. Since that day I started to like him.
Two months later, after I got him as my boyfriend, I lost my friends in media social because of my boyfriend such a possessive guy but I thought he was a lunatic thinker. He hacked my account and he uploaded 100 pictures at the same time, same pictures which contained words “I’m sorry Zima, I won’t do it again.”
Yeah, He changed my Instagram account being 1 follower and 1 following that was only him inside it. My friends asked me what was happening to me in that time, they told me to not give him any permission to do those crazy things. Honestly, I could not do anything because I just knew that he was not an ‘ordinary’ person that we could against him, easily.
After that moment, my feelings for him felt diminished. I was scared to be his girlfriend anymore, I wanted him to stay away from me but I felt the chain in my body virtually tied me. He looked like so in love with me and I didn’t care, I only care about my feeling and felt don’t want to make him stand still even in there.
Boys are clever, through theirs words they could make girls melted and nothing in girls’ mind but them. After six months with him, I got my feeling for him deeper than before and when I saw his photo, my eyes went sparkler than ever. He was not as himself as I thought he was different a little bit. I felt disappointed with his changing but I couldn’t do anything because I was afraid of his reaction if I told him what was I felt.
“Hey! I wanna talk to you, this is important.”
I got that Direct Message from Unknown on Instagram. I was curious because I knew that my boyfriend had so many girls who had a crush on him and sometimes his secret admirers contact me, but for this message, I had a feeling that I must reply her and I just knew that her purpose was to ask my boyfriend.
Since that girl arrived into my life, I got so many bad information about Zima. 50:50 I gave my belief in that girl because between I didn’t want to be so easy to believe her and I need an approval about her words and I didn’t know her name yet. I didn’t ask my boyfriend because, in that moment, I and Zima were in a problem. I felt dilemma and hurting because of my boyfriend’s attitude, his character though and also that girl’s statements. I thought I should really leave him, not because of my 50:50 belief to that girl but I didn’t want to make myself felt pain again and I wanted to make myself free as a bird without his trash rules.
The third day that girl talked to me and finally, I knew that she was Zima’s ex-girlfriend (as I knew her from Zima) and her name is Bella. I didn’t know what happened with both of them until Bella didn’t hold her words anymore to tell me the truth. She gave me so many approvals, screenshots, explanation thru phone, and much more. I felt my skin was smothering me like I couldn’t breathe even a bit. I found myself in front of the mirror and said to myself.
“Sunny, this is not real!” me, while saying those words, my cheeks went wet because of the tears fell down onto my cheeks. Such as there was a knife in my windpipe, I felt dizzy and didn’t know what I had to do. I saw the screenshots like my body was burning from head to toe. She sent me the selfie photos of them and the thing that made me so upset was the picture of them where my boyfriend was with her when he had his thesis defense. Yeah, actually I just knew that all the time Zima and Bella were always together everywhere and they are in the same class 3 years on that campus. But, I thought she added the thing that made me angrier than before. Yes, she said:
“we haven’t been ended this relationship, Sunny. Today is our first year anniversary.”
“Okay, I’ve cheated by him.” I hold my tears.
“No, Sunny. I am the one who has been cheating on.” Because of her reply, I thought once again. Yes! She’s right! For all this time, Zima made me as his second girlfriend! I couldn’t hold my anger anymore. I hang up the phone and searched Zima contact in LINE. I wanted to tell him that I asked him to stay away from me and I wanted him to know that I hate him so much. But before I contacted Zima, Bella phoned me and immediately I opened it up just made sure what again that she wanted.
“Sunny, don’t tell him right now. I want to know what would happen if I told him the truth, about our conversation.”
“Okay.” I hang up the phone again, but I didn’t care what she wanted, I only focused on my mission. I phone Zima. After like 1 minute he picked up.
“Assalamu’alaikum, Zima. I want to ask you something but promise me, you’ll stay away from me.”
“What? Babe, I don’t understand. You know that I’m busy, okay ? or you are going to help me? is it impossible, right ?” yes, his words still the same, always said busy and made me think that I was a girl who couldn’t do anything to help him but now, WHATEVER!
“Zima, I thought this is the ending of ours relationship. I want you to hold her rather than hold me. Thank you.”
“Wait!!!” he screamed and I didn’t care even I was curious what he would say to me?
One month later, I was standing in front of arrival gate in Soekarno Hatta Airport. My heart was beating so fast because he told me that he has landed.
“I’m wearing a gray hat, black t-shirt, black jeans, and black shoes.” Since he sent me that chat, my heart was drumming inside.
“Sunny, I’m gonna sit in front of there. Just wait for your boyfriend and come to me after he has arrived in front of you, okay ?” said my mom.
Finally, I was waiting for him alone, my eyes still looked for him and curious where he was. But my body got frozen when my eyes caught someone that I knew. Yeah! It was him! I didn’t believe that he could be more handsome in real, he caught my eyes staring at him and he smiled at me that made his eyes more slanted. I slowly walk over him and he offered his hand for shaking hands, I accepted it but after that, he hugged me then he looked at me and stroked my head. He took my hand and held it tightly.
“Where is your Mom?” asked him, I was awkward to express my feeling in front of him, just happy and great to hear his voice in real.
“There.” I took his hand and we came in front of my mom.
“Mom, here he is.” My Mom stood to welcome Zima and he regards my Mom.
As he lived in my house about 1 week, I thought he would be the same as he was far away from me. He has a different manner to speak to me and he is funnier than I’ve ever thought. But when D-1 he leave this town, he asked me to delete my Instagram account and of course, I rejected it. I told him that he could be the man who was very sorry to his girlfriend because of his affair last month.
“I left her just for you! For you who is clearly far away from me! I love you and you just rejected my order? my rule is for our relationship too! I’m here, Sunny. I’m here to make sure that you know how much I love you!” yeah, he was yelling at me. I was scared of his staring and did nothing.
“He left her because of me, the other girl in their relationship. I told to myself before I went ‘home’ with him that he could leave her because of the other girl (me). It means he could leave me because of the other girl.” I said to myself.
After he left my town and came back to his town, I felt his love for me was deeper. He always said the sweet things for me. I became a possessive girl and his characters jumped off into me. He became so patient to face me before after five months, he seemed tired because of ‘new’ my character and I thought he was bored of me too. I thought he was different (again). I was tired of his changing and tired of our same problems. Like, if he became nice then I didn’t. Yeah, repeated it.
I realized that he was just an unfit shoes for me which was good in my eyes but not really good to use and only hurting my legs. I threw that shoes and let it be the other girl’s own. As I thought before, he left me because of the other girl. I was smiling because I knew karma has arrived. There was nothing could hurt me like that. Boys’ words only good when they are in their jolly. Like Zima, he couldn’t keep his promise
“I won’t leave you or cheating on you again. Just for once only I made you cry. I promise” he said while giving his pinkie to tied with mine.
“Okay. I hope so.”
In that airport, he was so sweet as his smile and his words. But when I thought of what he had done to me, he is the most bitter thing I’ve ever known and I don’t wanna follow my intuition anymore. It could trap me.
word count: 2.470