Salsabila Firdausia Hanifa / 180410150014
“You should believe me,”
It was cold. I still remember that day clearly. He was wearing a black t-shirt combined with his favorite jeans. We’ve been talking for 2 hours here, in our favorite ramen restaurant.
I can hear the sound of the rain outside, the lightning makes me realized that he was here, with me.
I’ve been waiting for this for too long, to see his face, to hear his voice, to listen to the story about his college. But now, I wish this day will never exist. I just hope we were in our room, talking through our phone about the things we’ve been doing in the past few days , what we are going to do tomorrow, and some other stuff but not this one.
“I do, but..”
“Shak, we know we can do this together,”
“4 years.. and now you say that you don’t believe me?” he continued.
“No, I just..”
I know I should say something to make him understand.
At least to let him know what am I feeling. The feeling that I’ve been keeping to myself lately.
But I can’t.
I just sit there, then cried.
The Story of Us
It’s been 6 months since I became a student in junior high school.
“Do you know the new boy in our school?” Anna came to me, then asking me that question.. or she will give me a statement?
“What? What kind of boy?” I asked her back.
“Really? You don’t know the news? This boy just moved to our school.”
“Oh, what’s his name?”
“I still don’t know yet.”
That’s all I know. I do know his face few days later, but I still don’t know his name, or in which class he is.
The next day, I just knew me and that new boy are in the same class. Everything is just fine for few weeks, I still never talk to him even we are in the same class. But I do noticed almost everything that he does.
He is smart, cold and I almost never see him talking with girls if that is not necessary. I will not lie to you that he is the most attractive boy in my class.
One night, when I was about to sleep, my phone rang.
“I got his number. 081356787***.” It was Anna. She gave me Adrian’s number. I don’t know what is wrong with me that night, but I sent him a message. And since that day, me and Adrian become best friend.
I never missed one day without talking to him, after the school is over, we even walk together to go home.
I always glad he moved here.
Now, we are in the 3rd grade of junior high school and almost graduate from here. Me and Adrian decided to have lunch in the best ramen restaurant in this city. Eventually, he started to discuss about where we are going to study after we graduate from junior high school. Honestly, it was really upset me when I know that we are not going to the same school. I never complain about his choice, so I just hold myself to keep quite about this since that day.
Graduation day has just come. Adrian and his friends was giving a performance, they will sing and play guitar. And I’m not gonna lie to you again this time, that Adrian can play the guitar and sing beautifully.
We’ve been dating for 6 months now, everything seems well before we went to different school. No, I’m not blame him for not being in the same school with me, I’m not blame him for everything that he done.
You can say I’m complicated, childish, selfish, beause I am. I got jealous easily, yet I’m still not gonna tell you how I feel.
When I see that girl, I know she will ruin everything. Her name is Naya. She’s Adrian’s new bestfriend. She frequently go out with Adrian. They are at the same class. Moreover, when their school had a trip to Bali, they spent most of their time together.
How could I know? Because he told me so, I even see most of their pictures together. Not in just one place, but anywhere.
Should I get jealous? He always told me that they are just friends.
How I supposed to believe that?
There are lot of things that I couldn’t write here. It really breaks my hearts. Adrian notice there is something wrong with me even though I keep it to myself most of the time. I told him the reason, and he changed slowly, but then it happen again and again. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Sometimes we hangout together to watch movies, like other couple in general. We go to our favorite ramen restaurant for few times. At night, we usually talking on the phone just to spend the night together. Adrian with his guitar in his room, while I’m waiting for him to play his guitar and to hear his voice through this phone, at my room. I miss that moment when I don’t have to think about the things that will stuck on my mind. When I don’t have to be too overthinking about everything. At least, this night, I’m glad that we are still together.
It’s been 3 years, we will graduate from senior high school than continue our study to the higher grade. We will go to the university. Again, me and Adrian are not going to the same university this time. Adrian with his dream and I’m with mine.
When it comes to SNMPTN announcement day, I know Adrian will get what he wants. We do register to the same university but there is no much possibilities because that is not his first choice, not like me. I say that I got it, bu It really breaks my hearts when he told me that he got nothing. He’s smarter than me. I do hope he will get the same university like me in SBMPTN.
His hard work, his effort, has paid off. He got 2 at once. He was accepted in two universities. First, his dream university, second, university that I already got. I knew from the first time he will choose the first one. But this time, I don’t feel anything at all. I’m happy that he finally get what he has been dreaming of, even though that means we will be in a long distance relationship. I believe we will work it out, I believe in him because we already this far.
After few months in college, me and Adrian are not often spend time together like we used to. I totally understand that we have our own business, and that’s fine. Every one or two month, I will make some time to go home then meet up with Adrian. But when we already at semester 4, I couldn’t go home as often as I used to before. I could only meet him after 3, 4, or even 5 months. Sometimes I hope that he will come here to see me, but he never did.
I heard some bad news about him in his college. I heard that he is close with a girl named Sarah, and even dating with her. I don’t know my response about that gossip, I don’t want to believe it because I knew him for almost 7 years even though I realized that he already changed when he is in senior high school. I don’t want to admit it until now. I don’t see his effort anymore, then I made one stupid mistake that made him disappointed. It’s getting harder and harder after that. Every plans that we already made is broken.
“I don’t know what to do,”
“I don’t think I should let him go.” I continued.
“But this has gone too far, Shak.” Said Mitha.
“I know, but..”
“No, I think this is the best way for both of you. You just spent your night crying and crying, what kind of love is that?”
“But I love him. It’s been 4 years..” I mumbled.
“Yeah, so this is the last year you’re gonna be with him.”
“But I know he can change again,”
“No, he can’t.”
This conversation has been on my mind since yesterday. When I talk with Mitha, I know she’s right. But I keep telling myself that even though she was right, Adrian still can change. I do believe in him, I really do.
But, what if I’m wrong?
What if it doesn’t matter how hard we pushed ourselves to believe in anyone, they will let us down in the end?
What if he just care about himself?
What if Mitha was right?
The Next Chapter
Now, here I am. This place used to be or favorite restaurant. I haven’t met her for a year, I wonder how she looks like now. She’s late again, like she always do. Then, few minutes later, I saw a girl come in to the restaurant. She was walking towards me, then give me that smile. The smile that makes me feel warm.
I can barely speak or even say hi.
“Hi, how are you?” She started the conversation.
Then we spend our evening in our favorite restaurant, like the good old days.