It’s 3 am in the morning, and here I’m again and again trying so hard to kill myself. With the cutter on my hand, slow but sure I start to cut myself deeper and deeper. When I saw the blood coming through my skin, I feel relief and peaceful. I never thought blood was pretty until I saw it bleeding out from my own skin. I didn’t remember how many times I tried to take my life away. I lost count. My scars are fading, but my skin is craving for more scars. I just want all of this to end, I want my life to be over right here, right now. I can’t take any one more day to deal with. To never see my alcoholic father again. Let me tell you a quick story of my family. The family that used to be perfect, the family that used to be my home, now is no longer there. My dad became an alcoholic after his company went bankrupt and he just gave up on his life, and his family. I tried so hard to help him regain his spirit, but it was useless. The alcohol and depression already take his spirit away. My mom left because she can’t deal with my father anymore. She left us, her family. She left me with no goodbye and not a single word was said. My life, my family that used to be perfect, went blurred and became such a mess. I lost my parents. Eventough my dad is still here with me, but it feels like he was gone too. My dad once told me, when his conciousness was up in the air because of the alcohol, that I was such a burden that he have to carry on. “Can you just get out from my life? Leave me alone to die. Or… you could just die… To make my life easier”. Since then, I knew that I have to die. I knew that I have to get out from here. I knew that my dad didn’t love me anymore. I have to die. I have to make my dad’s wish come true. He will be happy if his wish come true. There’s nothing that can make him happy, and thist is the only way to make him happy now. Dad… could you help me to find a reason to stay? Do I really have to go? Could you help me to stay strong? Let’s be strong together, dad. But I know you will be so much more happier when I’m gone. Dad… please be happy after I’m gone. I will take your burden away. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. When I’m gone, you’re free, dad. I’ll leave this hell. Goodbye, dad. Goodbye, world. This will be my last cut, cause I will never ever and ever wake up again.
Word Count: 481 words