Cincin Horror Story : Radio Drama

180410120015/C

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Narrator (Horror piano playing) : “My name is Putri. This horror experience happened when the first time I moved to Jatinangor as I continued my study at Padjadjaran University. As a new student, I didn’t know and even I didn’t really care about the place that I could stay called “Kos-kosan”. A man showed me a place in Cincin and I agreed to stay there because the scenery from the place is really great. There is a long bridge, it is called “Cincin Bridge” and I liked the bridge. After 2 weeks I stayed there, I heard so many stories from my friends about Cincin. I didn’t trust them but I started to see any strange things.”

Narrator (Horror piano playing) : “In my place, I often heard about any noises like someone moved a cupboard or a bed, scratching the wall in the afternoon even in the midnight. One night, I heard about the wall scratching again at 12 o’clock AM. I was really curious about it and I searched the voice from rooms beside me but I just realized that I was alone in the 2nd floor, there was no one there. I also ever knocked my friend’s door to ask her to leave now with me, she said “yes” twice from her room so I waited, but I got a BBM from her that said “You may leave now, I’m still in campus I will go 15 minutes later.” So, who was the person inside her room?”

Narrator (People talking) : ” One day in campus canteen, my friend Eka challenged me.”

Eka : “Putri, have you heard about the person who wanted to buy meatballs last night?”

Putri (flat) : “I don’t know, why?”

Eka (enthusiastic) : “I heard that when he called, the head of the person turned 180 degrees like an owl. It was so scary.”

Putri (Not interested) : “I don’t believe that story, you know?”

Eka : “If you never believe the stories there, why don’t you try yourself? I challenge you to walk through Cincin twice, if you made it, I will treat you in canteen for a week.” Said Eka.

Putri : “Are you sure? Ok I’ll take it.”

Eka : “On Thursday night, I’ll come to your room at 12 AM then we go.”

***

Narrator (Horror piano playing) : “On Thursday night, I still did my homework. At 11.00 PM. I heard someone knocked my door.”

(The sound of knocking the door and opening it)

(Horror music playing)

Putri (wandering) : “Eka? Didn’t you say that we’ll go at 12?”

Eka (flat) : “It’s midnight already, let’s go now.”

Putri (Hurry) : “Wait a minute, I change my clothes first.”

(Footstep walking)

Narrator : “I walked to Cincin bridge. It was dark and very quiet.

(Wind blowing)

Narrator : Eka didn’t say anything, she just kept silent and her face was flat.”

Putri (curious) : “Maybe she’s just tired or already sleepy.” I said in my mind.

Narrator : “When we arrived, Eka said”

Eka (flat) : “Walk there and then go back here. I’ll wait here, ok?”

Putri : “It’s like walk in the park.”

Eka (flat) : “Remember! Don’t look to the left, right or back. Just go ahead.”

Narrator : “Eka stood there and I began to walk on the bridge. As I walk, I feel nothing till I heard someone was walking behind me.

(Footstep walking)

Putri : “Do you follow me Ka? You’re afraid, right? Hahaha.” (Laughing)

Narrator : “She didn’t answer me. In the middle of the bridge, I was freezing and the wind was blowing hard. In the end of the bridge, I saw a shining lamp coming from a little food stall. I walked faster and the footstep behind, followed me faster.”

(Fast footstep running)

***

(Wind blowing hard)

Narrator : “I arrived in the end of the bridge and came to the stall.”

Putri : “Pak, I want a hot tea please.”

Narrator : “There were many people there but I didn’t hear any voice. All I heard just the voice of spoons, forks and plates.”

(Sound of plates, spoons and forks)

Food seller (flat) : “What are you doing in the night?”

Narrator : “The person, who made me the hot tea, asked me

Putri (curious) : “I’m just walking around Pak, there are still many people in the midnight, I heard that Cincin is scary, Pak.”

Food seller (flat) : “Everyone say that, but I lived here for a long time. There are always many people here.”

(He gave me the tea)

Putri : “Thanks, here’s the money.”

(Giving the money)

Narrator : “I walked back through the bridge. I heard footstep behind me again but it was more than one. It was like an army footsteps.”

(Army footsteps walking)

Narrator : “I just remembered about Eka’s footstep in the beginning and I realized that Eka was not here. I walked faster and so did the footsteps. I began to panic, I searched Eka but she wasn’t there. Eka already went and left me alone. Suddenly, my phone rang.”

(Phone ringing)

Eka (Panic) : “Putri where are you? I’m in front of your room, I knocked many times but you didn’t answer. It is 12AM, can we go now? I bring 4 friends to accompany us. Where are you?.”

Narrator : “I stopped walking and I was speechless.”

(Horror music playing)

Narrator (full of fear) : “Someone talked behind me, beside my ears.”

Ghost (scary voice) : “Do you finish the challenge?”

Narrator (full of fear) : “I looked back and there were many armies without head.”

Putri (scream loudly) : “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

***

(Sad horror piano playing)

Narrator : “On tomorrow I told everything to Eka. She told me the food stall that I saw, wasn’t exist. It was just an empty building because all people, who stayed there, already moved. They saw many “things” there. I had proof it by myself and I decided to move to Ciseke directly. I stayed there for a month quietly.”

Narrator : “One weekend, all my friends went home and I stayed alone in my place. I asked Eka to be with me on Friday, but unfortunately she also went home. When I did my task, someone knocked my door. I opened it and Eka stood there.”

Putri (surprising) : “Eka don’t you go home? Good, stay with me tonight.”

Narrator : Eka came to my room and asked.

Eka (flat) : “May I go to your bathroom?”

Putri (Happy) : “Sure.”

Narrator : “I heard the faucet voice and my phone rang. It was a calling from, EKA?”

(Surprising, speechless)

Eka (Panic) : “Putri, tomorrow we have to give our task to Dika, please help me giving mine to him. I’m in Serang now. Put? Put? Hello?”

(Telephone hung up. The faucet was closed. And the door of my bathroom was opened slowly.)

Eka (scary voice) : “Do you want to play in Cincin?”

(Horror violin playing. Ghosts laughing.)

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Words Count: 1000 words

References :

backsound musics and effects from :

www.youtube.com

www.soundbible.com

Thanks to:

Dini Rahmatiar

Adetya Sarah

Evita

for being my proofreader

Eka Nathiqo N. for helping me as the character in the story.

My friends : Syifa, Kadek, Laily for being my inspiration in making this story.

Dramatization link.

44 thoughts on “Cincin Horror Story : Radio Drama

  1. 180410120002/A

    The main thing which builds the plot of the story, point out the genre and attracted me to your story is the background music or sound on each particular part. The background music at the beginning of the story is very frightening me out. At the beginning, I already feel eerie because you start the story with the background music which is the horror piano music. Since there is horror music, the genre of the story must be a horror one even though I know the title. But, the title sometimes can be deceived, I think. In my opinion, the climax of the story is clear. I think the way you end the story is very good that my curiosity of what will happen to the main character later arise. Indeed, it is more frightening if listening to the dramatization without seeing the script. (144)

    Like

  2. 180410120100 / E

    I love the dramatization so much. The division of narrator and putrid were so cool. The way Putri change the voice into heavy sound built the horror scene very well. But In my perspective the narrator took too much job, I did not think the narrator should said the instruction for the cast like, “Narrator: Eka came to my room and asked,” Perhaps it should be “Narrator: Eka came to my room.”

    Like

  3. 180410120057/ B

    I like your work because it reminds me again of Cincin Bridge. I totally agree with you that Cincin Bridge has its horror story because I used to live there next to the bridge. I often heard something moved in that place like the electricity went on/off for a moment; a cat cried scarily; and a dog barked tremblingly at night. Besides, there was a graveyard below the bridge. The ghost’s laughter sound effect that you set in the conflict occurs when Putri meets a ghost who disguises herself as Eka. It really and successfully carves the tense situation of the story which then makes me thrilled. I also think that it is a bright idea to make a neighbourhood-based horror story that helps everyone to be familiar with the haunted places around them. (Word count: 134)

    Like

  4. 180410120036/B

    I like your dramatization you made it! It successfully makes me got goose bumps. However, I think at the first you put too long piano sounds, maybe it will be more scary if just put just a little bit sounds in the beginning, let the narrator finish talking. The climax in this story is clear, I like in the part when Eka (that actually ghost) talk in the bridge. The story is clear from the beginning until the end. However, sometimes I have the dialogue do not same with transcript. The way you choose the background sounds that you set in the story was great!. I like where wind sound in Cincin Bridge that makes the reader easier to imagine and can feel what is happening there. Overall, I like it.

    words:130

    Like

  5. 180410100170/Kelas B

    In this story, the tense is successfully built. However, be careful with long introduction. Tim Crook says, “The beginning is everything. If this part of it does not work you are ‘up shit creek without a paddle’. Your listeners will desert you. You have failed.” Long introduction can make people bored. The introduction part of this story is not very long, which is not bad. Nevertheless, I think it would be better if the narration on the second paragraph was placed on the first paragraph. The description would be brief and you still could do the further introduction on the next paragraph. You could modify the description about “my place” if you’re afraid listener could not grasp the setting (if you put the second narration on the first paragraph).

    Works Cited:
    Crook, T. (n.d.). principles of writing radio drama. Retrieved June 24, 2014, from Independent Radio Drama Productions: http://www.irdp.co.uk/scripts.htm

    Word count: 149

    Like

    • Thank you for your appreciation and suggestion :) Actually the way I narrated the introduction is inspired from horror radio drama at 99ers Jakarta radio but I forget to mention it. I deliberately put the introduction with 2 different parts because of the different atmosphere there. Overall, thank you so much :)

      Like

  6. 180410120124 / F

    I personally think you are successful in making this horror story. This story has good and fit intonation. You are good in choosing music backgrounds and sound effects, because it fits the situation, so we can understand the situation of the story and it makes the story more real. The different voice between the narrator and Putri has successfully creating a differentiation; we can certainly know who is talking whether it is Putri or the narrator. Moreover, the voice of Eka and the ghost are different too. I see that the climax is appeared in two sessions. First, in the scene when Putri walked in Cincin bridge. The second is when there is a ghost in Putri’s room. It’s a unique way to create radio drama. It is something good when you put your second climax in the end because it makes me curious about the next story.

    word counts: 148

    Like

  7. I’m really facinated to your work. The experience story is formerly catchy. Furthermore, your dramatization explain so much how scary the story is and I can imagine the situation of your experience. With horror back sounds, and any other back sound (footstep walking, bowing wind, etc..) make the sense of the horror story alive which means, like, i am the person who see wherever you go and whatever you do. It’s kind of impeccable work.

    180410120047/D

    Like

  8. 180410120050/C

    Personally, I love the dramatization of your radio drama. The way you narrated the story has successfully made me scared. The sound effects also make it more frightening. Moreover, you made the characters in your radio drama seem real. This made me think that the event of this story had really existed. However, you should have checked, double checked, and triple checked your radio drama script before submitting it as I still found several grammatical errors, punctuation mark misplacements, and typographical errors. Since the genre of your work is radio drama, the mistakes you made are not really fatal. Overall, the dramatization is awesome.

    Word count:104

    Like

  9. 180410120085/E

    At once, I am interested in reading your work by just seeing the title. You succeed to give the curiosity in me to know what is story about. First, I just read your script that you write, but for the second time you succeed to make my skin crawl by just reading the script. And after listening to your dramatization, it ever more makes my skin crawl. Your intonation, your selected back sounds give the extra eeriness in your dramatization. Your dramatization seems perfect since the story occurred around campus. Overall, you successfully build the horror story by giving the entire component in accordance with the portion. Good job, Putri!

    words: 110

    Like

  10. 180410100231/B

    The dramatization is really great. It makes me scared because the choices of background sound. Each of background sound puts in right position in plots. It can represent the story so we can feel the atmosphere is really happened especially in Cincin Bridge. When you are telling the story happening in Bridge, the sounds support it. However, I can predict the next story when you are telling. For example, it is about Eka, I can predict that Eka is a ghost, so when Eka calls, I am not surprised. The only thing makes me scared because of the sounds but the whole story is not.

    Like

    • Thank you for your comment Sartika :)
      Actually I deliberately make the listener knows the different which one the real Eka and which one is a ghost. I want everyone knows that and make the atmosphere higher if the listener knows Eka is a ghost and the listener will think like “don’t go with her, she is a ghost” so I write Eka’s expression like when she is flat or enthusiastic.

      Like

  11. 180410100217/B

    Actually, the idea of the story is very interesting, considering to the myth that spread around us about Cincin and also the background sounds for your dramatization is good. From the beginning of the dramatization, I get the atmosphere of horror situation, but I think there are some sounds that are too long, such as when the faucet closed then the door was opened and when Putri was screaming and unfortunately, there are some parts of the dramatization that are not well-edited and it makes the atmosphere is broken. There is also some part of the conversation that is not really clear to hear because the background sound is louder than your voices. Overall, it is very good. Thank you for the story!

    word count: 123

    Like

  12. 180410130044/A

    I really like this radio drama. Plot, characterization, and setting are obvious so they make this radio drama becomes interesting in terms of how the story flows. One aspect that caught my attention is the setting of the story. It makes the readers feel the events of the story flows and its effect on the atmosphere of the story. For me, the bridge is defined as the central point of the story that explains how the story takes place and also interpreted as a link between sustainable horror stories from the past, present, and future that are depicted by the narrator as well as character. There, the readers can feel the atmosphere of every event; especially the tense atmosphere of the story as if the readers are taken to get into the story, but did not enter into discourse of the story. Thus, it seems so real though fictional.

    Word count: 149

    Like

  13. 180410120014 / A

    This radio drama is really creepy and interesting at the same time! All the important components are really build the plot. The background music and narrator’s voice in the dramatization are really suitable for this story and succeed in making the listeners feel the tense of the story. The background music is so creepy that it already gives me goosebumps from the start! It is very unfortunate that the ending is predictable that the ghost resembled Eka when they walked to Cincin bridge and Eka did not say anything, but most of all your radio drama is succeed in making me more afraid of the bridge, although I do not know that is a true story or not.

    Word count: 118

    Like

  14. 180410120129/G

    I am impressed with this radio drama. It success made me feel anxious and look around from the first time when I listen to its dramatization. The thing that has an important role in it is the sound effect. And I think you choose the appropriate sound effect and make the radio drama become tense increasingly. However, you need to be more careful in editing the dramatization. Because I heard repetition of words “left me alone. Suddenly, my phone rang.” The repetition made me a little bit confused at that time, but when I looked at the script I realized that it just an error. But overall you did a great job!

    Word count: 112 words

    Like

  15. 180410130051/A

    By just reading the script has already give me goosebumps. The story is very dominant here, and I like it because the story is simple but very powerful. Your choice for the background music for the dramatization is very good. The narrator’s voice which is flat, also giving me another goosebumps. I think that is a good way to present a horror radio drama. The ending also very good, firstly I thought that the scary things will end after Putri met the soldiers without their head. For a person who hate horror stories like me, I really feel scared while reading and hearing it, but I really really like your story. Great job!

    (113 words)

    Like

  16. 180410120081/A

    Hello, I like your work. The music and the voice actors’ intonation are very fit to the story—those gave me chill! Especially when I heard the army footsteps and imagining a headless troops walking behind me. However, I think the narrator explains too much. Since it is a radio drama, the narrator’s explanation about the situation or who says to who can be omitted because the listener can know that from the sound/the voice. If I listen to the dramatization only (without knowing that it is a radio drama), I might consider this as a short prose because of the long introduction and the narration. But then, it’s not a big deal since the long narration only occurs on some parts—I still enjoy your story! Good job, Putri. (130 words)

    Like

  17. Fidhika Fitrah
    180410110180/A

    The title of this story is interesting to read, because I want to know the mystery in Cincin Bridge. The dramatization is very good, you can make the listener imagine the situation or the place clear. I like the sound when Putri is followed by the ghost armies. I suddenly imagine that there are ghost armies behind me. There are some points in the dramatization that is not clear. There is no interlude among the scenes, I’m little bit confused because of it. The narrator voice sometimes doesn’t fit with the situation. The tone of the narrator is always in hard tone.

    (105 words)

    Like

  18. 1804100100140/A
    I think your dramatization work is interesting, because I like story about horror. I think that cincin bridge really scary in midnight. Because my classmate has same experience with you in cincin bridge,she looks women who standing over cincin bridge. The background sound on your radio drama is enough creepy. Your ending in radio drama it is unpredictable. But I think it is really scary story, and I like your work.

    Like

  19. I forget to mention one thing. The way I telling this radio drama which the narrator talks much is inspired by the horror radio drama from 99ers Jakarta Radio.

    Believe it or not, in the recording process there are many strange things that broke my radio drama, many errors occur although I have triple checked my radio drama like the repitition words. Eka my friends also saw the strange thing. I am so sorry for the incompatible edited

    Like

  20. 180410130060
    Class A

    This true story makes my hairs on the back of my neck stand. You are success to wrap all of that creepy situation that you have experienced into a good short story and systematic events that the reader can read with their enthusiastic. I personally often hear many stories about Cincin abridge and I don’t know who is the person that experienced that, but your story is the scariest story and I believe yours because I know the person who experienced it. You are also success on your dramatization. The narrator voice and backsound help the story become creepier and make the story become real.

    Like

    • Thank you for your appreciation. It’s my purpose also I put my real name there so it makes the story looks like a real one. Actually it’s a half real and I just a little bit change it.

      Like

  21. 180410120029/B

    Overall, I like your dramatization. But I like the most when Eka’s voice is changing from the enthusiasm girl into the flat voice that gives the scary effect more. The voice changing like that gives your radio drama more scary taste. It is predictable that the voice changing of Eka is one of the marks that the ghost appears. But it still not reduces the scary effect of the story. Moreover, the music, the sound effect, everything you put in this radio drama to make it scarier works very well. And I think the choosing theme about ‘’Cincin Bridge’’ is brilliant because it is one of the myth in Jatinangor, and everyone knows it. Well done!

    word Count: 116

    Like

    • Thank you Olfath :)
      That’s what I want to, I want the listener/reader knows that Eka is a ghost so I mention “Eka’s face was flat” and I want the listener feels like “don’t go with Eka, she is a ghost” something like that. Overall thank you so much for your appreciation

      Like

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