Next Move: A Short Story


Summary: The story is about a man who tries to get his dream girl.

I woke up in the Friday morning; the weather was nice yet my feeling and my sleep was not.

“What should I do tonight? Ahh, calm down man it’s just a date with a perfect girl,” I said worriedly,”arrgghh, I can’t!! She is too perfect.”

Oh wait, it’s impolite I think that I haven’t introduced myself. My name is Retsu and I’m a scholar in a university, other information about me will be unnecessary. Let’s just talk about how I could fell in love with the girl that I’ve been mentioned. Her name is Tiara (I know the name is lovely), she whose weight 155cm and height 45kg is my classmate in college.
It was the first day of 2nd semester on prose studies class (yep, I’m in English Dept.) where I met her for the first time. Actually that wasn’t the first time, I knew her before, the ordinary girl from planet unimportant. But jeez, what happened to her, an ugly duck turned into a swan and I decided, that day when I saw her change was the first time I met the real of her.

How could she agree to go to a date with me? It was a fluke. One day, she was on a group with me in a class activity. Our professor assigned us to make a presentation about the History of American Literature and its deadline was next week. I didn’t know what’s going on, 3 guys that in the same time got diarrhea, so there were us that survived. Then my instinct led me to do maneuver to get her. Then, I didn’t want to take much time to discuss the assignment in a restaurant. It was the first time in my life when thing goes smooth. Yes, I called it a date.

Ok back to the story. I tried to cure my anxiety by jogging around the neighborhood but my mind couldn’t make it. My mind always flied to her, imagining her beauty and perfectness. In my head, she was sitting across me in a fancy restaurant in town, smiling and I couldn’t do anything; my body was frozen by that smile. I said to myself, “What if I can’t do anything, acting like a snowman,” “I have to plan a strategy so that I don’t look awkward.”
I stopped in front of a chair, sitting and thinking. ”Maybe I should start a conversation about her appearance then we go to the hotel that I’ve been booked, making love,” I said “damn, it’s too escalated quickly.”

My mind was not clear enough to think about that and I went to a café to open my mind. “It’s better to start imagining it chronologically” I said while sipping my coffee. My mind flied away and I lost in daydream.

She’ll come with all of her beauty and then I’ll say to her “Please, be seated.”
“Thanks, you’re such a nice guy”, she replied.
Then I’ll let her to order some foods or something then suggesting her this restaurant finest, so I’ll look cool and she’s gonna amaze me. While they are processing our order, I’m not gonna be hurried to discuss the assignment, asking about her day is gonna be perfect. We’re gonna flow with our chit-chat and I’ll show my taste of humor, absolutely, she’ll feel comfortable with my hilarity. Then we’ll forget about the assignment but both I and she will not worry about that. We’ll finish the food quickly because we don’t want waiting too long for start our hilarious and tense chat. Yes it perfect! I’m gonna get her heart; I won’t be a virgin anymore.

Believing that my plan was perfect, I went home and reward self for playing game ‘till I was satisfied.
Feeling satisfied, I slept for I was sleepy and it was 2 o’clock.

Hey wait, did you notice there’s something wrong? Yes, I forgot the date…

Thank you to Antya Catra Denira for proofreading and giving the ideas

– My little brain
– Nolan, Christopher (Dir.). 2010. Inception. United States; Warner Bros. Pictures

Word Count: 665
Link for dramatization.

3 thoughts on “Next Move: A Short Story

  1. 180410120079 / A

    This story is simple and I like the way you strengthen the character by giving his idea and imagination about her dream girl. When I read your story, I can go along with it because I really enjoy imagining what he does. However, the details about the dream girl he is really crazy about are needed to be described more. I got the idea how prefect she is because in my imagination, Restu is a nerd who has a perfect dream girl that he is crazy about, so that he does not think that he can get her. Through this story, I learn the way a boy sees a girl when he falls into her. (115w)


  2. 180410120012/A

    The consistency of exaggerating characterization is the one which makes this short story something different with the others; a unique way of turning a description text into a narrative. Furthermore, I like the way of how you playing with the plot; keep going backward and then forward and putting the conflict in the end that looks like a resolution.

    What makes me wonder is, how could you ruin the “inception” mindgame (according to your reference) by telling us The main character forgot the date? Instead writing down that punchline, you can tell us the actual hour Retsu should be meet her in the middle of the story, and you don’t have redundantly tell us his stupidity in the end. Thus the good reader will have to think twice or thrice aswell as watching inception.

    good read though 8/10

    (141 words)


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