Fresh Meat: A Short Story

180410110180/A

Summary: 4 high schoolboys who camp at the forest around Ciwidey and then they meet the cannibal family.

One day Iman, Doni, Fei and I planned to camp in the forest around Ciwidey, Bandung but we hadn’t decided the place for camping. We just prepared everything it. At Thursday morning we went with public transportation. That day was cloudy but we still continued to camp. After we arrived around 10 A.M from Bandung, we could feel the weather was so fresh because Ciwidey is mountainous area. “I can feel the nature here!” Doni shouted. “Haha finally you feel the nature. Every day you only spent your time playing online games.” Iman mocked Doni. “Come on let’s find the place for camp, we haven’t gotten it.” I warned them. “Yeah, Rendy’s right before its getting dark. How do if we follow this way?” Fei pointed the way that’s like a way for car. On the way to find the place that fitted for camping, suddenly a young man appeared who wore farmer hat and asked us “Where are you going boys?” Doni answered. “We’re looking the place for camping.” “Oh, if you’re looking for that you’re in the right way, it’s only 500 m from here and then you will get that place.” that man said. “Thank you for your information.” Fei thanked to that man “It’s my pleasure to help you.” He said with the freak smile. We continued our trip. I still felt there was something wrong with that man but I threw that thought.

Finally we arrived at the place which a man who wore farmer hat showed. I admitted the place was beautiful, we surrounded by trees and we can hear bird’s voices. There was a river near our camp. The water of the river was so clean and fresh, I could drink it without boiled first. Doni and Fei built the tent when Iman and I were looking for firewood to make a campfire. When we were looking for firewood, I asked something to Iman, “Hey, how if there is a serial killer here just like in the film?” “Hahaha that is impossible. That happened only in thriller movies.” Iman laughed at me. When we finished collecting firewood, we got back to the tent. I saw Iman that he just liked looking for something and then I asked him, “What are you looking for?” Iman answered, “I think something is watching us.” “Something? Hmm maybe serial killer.” I said. “Haha I said to you that is impossible.” Iman said with anxious tone.

The tent was ready when we came back. On the night we made the campfire, sang some songs, and chatted. That night was amazing, the sky was beautiful. We could see much stars on the sky. After those activities we slept in the tent. Before I slept, I heard something moved near a tree but I didn’t mind that, I thought that was only an animal. When I slept, someone got into our tent and then attacked us with something hard that made us unconscious. We couldn’t fight back because that was a surprise attack.

When I was half conscious, I saw a knife, jigsaw, and everything on the table that always used by butcher. I heard someone said, “Dad, Here are the fresh meats.” I thought I was daydreaming, but until I woke I saw Iman tied on the operation table, Fei and Doni were lying besides me and they looked afraid. Our hands and legs were tied. We were in the room that pretty dark. There was a man who holds a knife. He was ready to chop Iman. “Sir please don’t do that to our friend!” We shouted to him and he only smiled to us. We remembered that man was a man that we met on the way to the camp place. When I looked to the left I saw Iman’s head rolled on the floor. Doni and I screamed out loud. Suddenly Fei stood up and ran to that man to stab with his penknife. The man held Fei’s hand, fortunately Fei could hit his face. Fei escaped from that man and then he stabbed the man’s stomach. That man called his father, “Dad, I stabbed! Help me dad!” While that man couldn’t get up Fei untied us. We ran away through the door. We left Iman because he died. The door opened by itself. His father opened the door. He brought shotgun to shoot us. We decided to run away through the window because his father blocked the way through the door. I heard the gun voice, and then I saw Doni’s leg was bleeding. “Just leave me, you need to save yourself.” Doni talked to us. “No, we can’t leave you Don.” I drag his body, but then Fei pulled my hand and said “Come on Ren, it’s hard but we have to do that.” Finally we left him at that house and we escaped through the window. His father still chased us with his shotgun. He screamed with his loud voice “Don’t go away, we want to taste your meats.” We still ran but we didn’t know which the right way was. Suddenly there was motorcycle sound that approached to us. When we looked to the back, that was his father. Fei and I hid behind the tree waiting for him to come up and then I will hit him with the wood stick that I found. I succeed to hit him, and then he fell from his motorcycle. Fei took the gun and he shot his head. We ride that bike and came back to that house. That young man got out from the house. He guessed his father came back. Fei also shot that young man.

We got into that house to look our stuffs. I saw Doni and Iman dead body on the floor. Our stuffs were still intact. We ride that motorcycle to get out from that wood with compass that Doni brought to lead the way.

Thank you to Imam Ismail who helped me to check my grammar.

Reference:

‘The Wrong Turn’ Film

Word count (987)

Link for dramatization.

4 thoughts on “Fresh Meat: A Short Story

  1. 180410120001/ A

    In my opinion, your short story: Fresh Meat is very interesting. It is interesting because the structure of the crisis, the climax and the resolution is very clear. I think the best part of your short story is in the climax when Imam’s head rolled on the floor because it is chopped by the man. That is very awesome. In the other hand, I think the sketchy part from your short story is in the resolution. The resolution of your ending is too fast. I think it is can be better if you make the resolution longer than that. However, your story is still good because you make it structured. (110)

    Like

  2. 180410120002/A

    The genre of the story which is thriller makes me interested in your story, the plot and the setting are clear that make me understand the story easier. At first, I thought this story is similar like “House of Wax” film because there is part when the boys met a man who appeared from nowhere and his looking is fine. When you said “suddenly a young man appeared who wore farmer hat and asked us “Where are you going boys?” Doni answered. “We’re looking the place for camping.” I think you miss-placed the words ‘Doni answered’ which makes Doni asked “where are you going” instead of the farmer. (108)

    Like

  3. Sidiq Yogha Nariza
    180410110193/A

    The plot of your story is well-organized so that it makes the reader easy to understand your story. The plot of the story is like a plot of horror movie in general. I think the ending of your story is too fast. In my opinion, the two characters who are still alive should have more conflicts with the antagonists. In the story, you just make the antagonists easy to die and it makes the ending is not interesting. Maybe if you make the ending a little bit longer, it would be better. However, your story is still good and interesting.

    Like

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