180410100247 / Class B
Summary: This story tells about the complicated situation in family. The narrator ‘I’ describes these characters of this story in negative point of view. Every part is told in various ways, like an autobiography.
A Live in My Mind
Live as a college student who is living in the remote area with old-fashioned family made me always suppressed. It was really suppressed. Since I was 20 years old, my brain was full of shit, full of rule, full of desire and everything that made me turn out to be antagonist. I tired of something which covered my face and lived in pretend. I was too tired to do all these things, to be a good person. I hated this. I hated my family. Why they did all those fuck things to me? Why? I never got the answer. I need the answer. It is just in my mind.
To my family, 2014
v My damn sister
Fifteen years ago, I was happy. I was happy because I had new friend in my life who would accompany me. She is Gina, my younger sister. I liked her. I liked her eyes, her face, her hair and everything about her-when she was a child-. Now, she is a student in Junior High School and everything has been changing-not only her body which completely change but also her attitude-. She is a liar. She wears everything she wants although it is not her own. She is the perfect one in the world who makes my parents and I cry–and maybe other people- . She is well in lying, steal my mother’s money, use my clothes, my accessories, my shoes, my underwear, and everything, without my permission. She never comes to school, absence. Her friends are stylist. They use unique language which can take some animals language when they speak-such as dog, pig, so on-. Their lifestyles are always up to date. They smoke. They drink. And my sister do it nicely too. I hate her. I hate her attitude. I hate her friends. She is different. I am sad. She never shows me her respect. She is different. In her mind, family is not important thing.
v My mother’s secret messages
The first new message,
Honey, I want you here. I want meet you like we were yesterday. I just imagine that I touched you..
Do you think the same with me?
The first sent message,
To : +6285320133***
Yes honey. Yup, I miss you too. I miss your body and meet you badly.
The second new message,
I remember when I met you. Come on honey, your husband will not know if we meet again.
You must give me more.
The second sent message,
To : +6285320133***
Yeah, I miss your touch. Come to me.
The third new message,
Hey honey, why do not you reply my text?
Do you agree if we meet again and we will touch each other?
Come on baby, can you imagine that I sit over you, and swing wriggly?
These text messages shocked me in the morning. It was unbelievable. I found my mother’s mobile phone on the dinning table. She was not there. My Mom, who is always gruff to me, makes me as a discipline one, able to do that. I held my breath and kept calm down. My arms trembled. My heart beat fast. She was dishonest with someone else. I did not believe it, but I knew it was the truth. I could not hold my tears. I saved her mobile phone formerly. I run to my room. I tried to check this clearly. I confused. I cried on my own. What have you done mom? Why did you do this? I never asked her. I do not want to know the truth. What can I do? Those questions are just in my mind.
v My father’s bird
My father is the carpenter. He works 6 days on a week. He spends his free time to play with his birds. He had 20 kinds of birds, and they made my home crowded. When he played with them, he forgot everything. He enjoyed playing with his birds but he felt uncomfortable when he shared with his family.
One day, I was looking for my father. I did not see him. Finally, I found him at my grandmother’s house. He enjoyed playing with his birds. He loves them very much. In the morning, he always cleans and take care his birds. He spent his daily activities to play with his birds. He has more than 20 kind of birds. All of them can sing nicely. My father likes collecting many kinds of birds since I was a child. In holliday, he spent his time to hunt some birds at forest with his friends.
I finished cleaning my house. I took a rest. I would go to take a bath. I saw my mother woke up. She looked confuse. She just plunged in thought at the chair near the kitchen. I came closer to her. The atmosphere became silent. She almost cried while looked at my father. He still enjoyed with his hobby. He looked at his birds almost on a day. My mother hated it. She was mope and glum. I tried to ask her.
“Mom, what’s going on? Why are you so sad?” I asked her slowly.
“I bored, I regret and I fed up to your father. He never cares about our condition. He is egoist.” She talked emotionally.
I tried to set my mother’s mind at rest. She went to her room and took her wallet. She opened it and complained.
“Look, look at this. Empty. Your father did not give money for us. He works for himself. We are not important for him.” She cried and wiped her stomach.
I could not say anything. I have no words. Her words made me hurt and pain. I understood. I knew with what my mother said. I felt my mother’s pain too. I kept on silent. I looked at my mom amorously. She stopped for a while. Then she continued complain.
“He never knows that we do not have rice to cook. He does not care if we are hungry. He never knows that we have many requirements to be fulfilled. I know, in his mind his birds is number one. He just loves birds and birds. He works to fulfil his life and his birds. Where is the fee as long as he works? It is never enough.” She said weakly and cried.
I knew my father heard my mother’s complaining. He was talking nothing. He was in front of the house while my mother talked at kitchen. He still enjoyed looking at his birds. I knew my father characteristic, he is irresponsive. I knew that he works, but it does not mean that only work he feels satisfy. He did not give money to my mom. He used it for himself. He has a family, and his family needs him. He has to take charge of his family. And I did not find it from my father. I did not know how to make him understand, made him aware. He loves his birds more than his family. My mom and I just tried to be patient, but my father never changed.
v Live in pain
I never told anyone about all things that happened to me and my family. They made me did not want to think anything. I hurt. I hated my sister. I did not want to talk to my mother ever I read her fucking messages. I didn’t know my father. I didn’t care as he did. These problems made me crazy. I didn’t know what to do. I spoke to myself. I talked with my mind. I was aware that I did nothing. All those things made me confused. I hated myself. I couldn’t do anything. I was thinking. This thinking made my body weak.
I got Hepatitis-a trouble in liver-. All of shit things made me weak. My body was yellow, gloomy. I had to go to hospital and had some treatments there for a week. I knew my liver was damage because its partner was hurt. It was my heart, my feeling. I could not think clearly. I was still on my own, to be a good person.
In the hospital, I found a love. I saw a family’s love. When I opened my eyes in my sickness, I saw my mother sat beside my bed, touched my brow softly.
“Get well soon my dear. I’m so sorry to not protect you”. She whispered on my ears, and cried.
“Mom.” I touched. I cried.
I looked at someone who held my feet. He was my father. His face showed me that he worried. I smiled at him. He asked me.
“ Next time, I promise to take care all of you. It is my fault. I’m regret.” He looked at me and my mother.
I was speechless. I did not what to say. I found the glow in my life. Suddenly, someone came from the door way. She was Gina, my little sister. She ran. She hugged me. She cried and screamed.
“I’m so sorry sister. I’m too selfish to not respect to you. I love you.”
“I love you too Mom, Dad, De.”
Word Count: 1545
Thank you notes and References list
My Family-father, mother, sister-, they are my great inspiration. Thank you.
Desy Novita N, my best friend who helps me to arrange the words and add some ideas.