Summary : Kirana is a student of one of the states’ senior high schools. She likes to “hide,” With her imaginary friend, Bimo, Kirana creates her own world, inside her heart.
“Hey, can I ask you something? Why do you come to such a place like this every afternoon? Isn’t the school’s cafeteria or front yard is a great place to chill or hangin’ out? Why do you like the back of the school more?
“Ah,I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. I just…”
“No, it’s alright, Mo.”
“I’m just curious. Every time I see you, you’re always sitting like this, daydreaming, sometimes tinkering with the grasses around you while gazing to the edge of the horizon. I know there’s something on your mind.”
“Er, Okay, I’ll talk… You might never meet me in school, or you might never see me at all. I don’t like crowded place, I don’t like noises. Wherever I am, I need to find some place quiet. And here is the place where I can feel comfortable.”
“Yes, it is quiet here, indeed—right behind the hall, surrounded by these somewhat tall grasses, between the mosque and the warehouse… and the lonely back yard. This is where I hide. The first time I saw you here I was shocked. I thought nobody would come to such a place like this.”
“Yes, this is the only place where I can be free from my troubles.”
“You know, if you’re not okay with this… No, just forget it. I was just…”
“Mo, I’ve got a question. Have you ever feel that your house is no longer a home? Or have you ever thought that your home is no longer a place where you belong? I’ve been there… I am.
“I’m not a lucky person, I think I even damned. For I must experience something every single kid in the country, or even the world, would fear.
“What do you mean?”
“My home is broken. I lose all my respect to them. While they want me to grow up and cope with all their rules which they say would help me to take care of my childish behavior, they are the one who act so… I still remember how those loud yells sounded for the first time all over the house, around two months ago. Those screams and bangs are something I breathe in every day. Like there’s no pause or anything, I’m forced to swallow those shouts, yells, mockeries, and even cries. I’m fed up. I want to scream, as loud as I can, louder than them. I want to let them know that they’re not the only ones who are angry. I’m angry too. I’m suffering, Mo.
“That’s why I come here just to hide. I don’t wanna go home too early. I don’t wanna go home. If I do, I’ll hear those screams again.”
“If I may know, what was their problem?”
“I don’t and I don’t wanna know. Yes, I don’t even care about their problems. All I know is that I hate them, how they break the family, and I hate my family which isn’t like any other family. Why us? Why our family?”
“I still remember, the last fight was a couple days ago. Dad coming home late while Mom were awake watching TV with her indescribable face. They stared each other for a couple seconds, grinned, as if they wanted to show each other who’s the scariest in house. For a while there was nothing. But suddenly Mom yelled, ‘Where’ve you been?’ Dad, who was just heading to his bedroom turned around immediately and also yelled ‘You don’t say? Don’t you see what I’m wearing?’ Listening from behind the door, I knew what that was all about. It must be that assistant bitch.”
“I heard before that Dad changed as he got closer with his assistant. I didn’t just believe it, because I knew that Dad wouldn’t play fire with Mom. But then I found out the clues, one at a time. I can’t believe it.”
“Hey wait, wait a second. What kind of clues that you found? There could be some misunderstandings, you know.”
“Once, I found Dad’s shirt, doused with women’s perfume which I’m sure wasn’t Mom’s perfume. I also saw Dad’s intimacy with that bitch when I sneak in to his office. And with the intensity of the fights between Mom and Dad, I’m sure it is because of that bitch.”
“I hate being home even more.”
“Your mom and dad too? Kirana, when you’re angry, or when you hate something, your rational thoughts would be useless.”
“To be honest, I never hate them. I just hate how that bitch flirted with Dad.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if I can believe it. But one of my relatives who have some psychic power said that Dad is under some kind of spell.”
“Yeah, kinda. Then, that relative of mine came to our house. He actually came only for a visit and had felt nothing bizarre. But after seeing Dad’s strange behavior, he tried to use his psychic power to see what’s going on, and told me what he saw. I didn’t just believe it. But the fact that Dad has this affair with his new assistant makes me believe what he said.
“Have you told your mom?”
“My family members don’t believe those kinds of stuffs; especially Mom. She’s just not that kind of person. Even if I told her, she wouldn’t believe me and instead throw a fit to Dad about other stuffs.”
“My family is breaking down”
“You have to do something. Don’t let your parents split away.”
“I don’t know what to do. They both are just as stubborn. They won’t think about their own daughter. They don’t love me anymore.”
“Every parents love their children. There’s no way your parents don’t love you.”
“You don’t understand me, Mo!”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“I know. Just let go of everything in your heart now. Although it won’t help you much, but at least I know that you’re suffering. Crying and suffering with someone you love is better than crying and suffering alone.”
“What’s your plan then? You still wanna hide?”
“Remember, Na. Home is the most comfortable place on earth. Everybody wants to go home after a long hard day. Everybody misses their home after being away all day long. Everybody wants to go home at lost. And everybody fixes broken home. So do you. Maybe now, your home is breaking, crumbling down. But will it return as it was if you run and hide, leaving it, the home that you’ve been staying all this time? It won’t return, will it? … I might not understand how you feel right now, because I’ve never been in your shoes. And I don’t know if I can give you any solution. But, I believe, Kirana that I knew, and this Kirana who likes to hide, Is a strong Kirana, Kirana who’s supposed to be the hero of her own home.”
“You don’t even know me. How can you tell?”
“I don’t need a long time to get to know you. It might sounds like a cliché, but believe me, a girl is actually stronger in dealing this kinds of situations compared to boys, even they seem so fragile outside… By coming to this place every afternoon I know that you aren’t trying to hide, but to think.”
“Yes. To think about how you can deal with the situations in your home; to make it back the way it was and to reconcile your parents. Even though I know that you’re still trying to find the answers, but you will find it soon. I believe. You just need to think clearly, try to manipulate every possibility in your mind to make it looks real. You might find your answer there.”
“I can’t think, Bimo.”
“I didn’t say that you should do it know. Just take your time.”
“My friend? What do you mean?”
“Kirana! What are you doing there?”
“Er. Nothing, Mel!”
“What the… What makes you like it here, really? Alone? Come on, let’s go home! There’s nobody else in the school now. Everybody has left the school already.
“Alright, Mella… Um, wait a sec, I left something back there. Just wait for me in front, I’ll catch you up later.”
“Just be quick, alright?”
“Mo? … Ah, you’re leaving already. Er. Thanks anyway, Mo. Please pray for me so that I can find the answers as soon as possible. For my home, the place that makes me feels alive.”
Thank you to Abi saputra, rinaldy and ricky saksono
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